Good communication takes a lot of work - but it is as important as it is difficult. When couples discuss serious or sensitive issues, they tend to feel frustrated with the conversation and the outcome. In the heat of the moment, we can forget how to be kind, patient and loving. Below are some suggestions to help you become a better communicator with your partner, which will improve the communication in your relationship.
Find the Right Time
If something is bothering you and you would like to have a conversation about it, it can be helpful to find the right time to talk. Try to find a time when both you and your partner are not distracted, stressed or in a rush. You might even consider scheduling a time to talk if one or both of you is really busy. And never start a conversation when you’re too angry to see your partner as anyone other than a terrible person. Wait until you’ve calmed down a bit.
Do Not Attack
Even when we mean well, we can sometimes come across as harsh because of our word choice. Using “you” can sound like you’re attacking, which will make your partner defensive and less receptive to your message. Instead, try using “I” or “we.” For example, say “I feel like we haven’t been as close lately” instead of “You have been distant with me.”
It’s impossible to communicate with love when you’re filled with judgment. Find acceptance for your partner and connect from this place. When we feel judged, we either get defensive or shut down, neither of which helps create open dialogue. When we let our partner know we accept them, we invite them to reveal themselves in a more vulnerable and honest way.
Probably the most important thing you can bring to your communication with your partner is honesty. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it’s the key to a healthy relationship. Admit that you aren’t always perfect and apologize when you make a mistake instead of making excuses. You will feel better and it will help strengthen your relationship.
The more open and connected the dialogue, the healthier a relationship tends to be. Take responsibility. You are in control of the way you communicate with your partner. Make a conscious effort to to be open, honest, and accepting with your partner and you are bound to see some positive changes in your relationship.